20 October 2008

Unabashed Appropriation - Straight Male Hipsters, if you're gonna wear that, you better have a dick in your mouth



God Damn, I remember when that horrible h-word didn't even exist as it does today. "Hipster" was a reference to the beat poets, not some faggoty looking straight white guy. I have allegedly straight male acquaintances who have gone from appropriating black male culture, acting and dressing like 2-Pac, throwing up gang signs in every Myspace photo, to appropriating queer culture, touting their love of The Golden Girls, and wearing women's jeans. Are straight white men incapable of an original thought? Why can't they fucking stay their bland, bleary selves in their nondescript Old Navy cargo pants?

Try being a fucking real queer like me and having a casual conversation with some straight hipster guy. He will undoubtedly think you are hitting on him because he is so often confused for gay cause he stole our style. He will do anything he can to let you know he has a girlfriend. Anyway to slip it into the conversation, "Oh yeah, my girlfriend..." Just to nicely let you know even though he looks like a fucking cock-eater, he isn't one. Well, if you're gonna cop my style, YOU BETTER BE RIDING DICK. MAN UP, YOU APPROPRIATING PUSSY.

So you're thinking, "David Bowie and Mick Jagger married women and they dressed faggoty." Darling, they ate dick for breakfast because they knew if you wanna dress like a fucking faggot you better be able to back the shit up.


The only reason these fucking straight guys have the balls to dress like US is because now it's safe. WE made it safe for them. We were the ones on the front lines wearing outrageous, gender-ambiguous clothing, make-up, and hair, getting beat up and verbally harassed and now it's fucking safe and the straight man is once again enjoying the fruits of someone else's labor. Straight male hipsters, as Salt-N-Pepa once spit: Get off my bra-strap, boy, stop sweatin' me!

8 comments:

Sammy Pants said...

I will always let you know my opinion and leave comments. I happen to like straight boys in tight pants. It makes dry humping so much better. And that's not queer, that's just high school.

Sammy Pants said...

PS I always think every guy is hitting on me, whether straight or queer, dressed like 2Pac or Bea Arthur, so try being a total hottie like me and having a casual conversation with any guy...
PS I'm Madonna. You're Lourdes.

andalusian said...

i can't wait to say "they asked for it" when they get gang raped at a west hollywood fisting bar.

beth lapides said...

take pity on the poor straight boys matt. what do you want them to wear? after all hasn;t gay culture appropriated the military? the lumberjacks? it's all here to be shared. who thought of it first just gets an extra cookie:) nice blog.
xoxobeth

Sarah T. said...

I am pro penis

Anonymous said...

Don't try and claim the Golden Girls muthafucka that shit is FAIR GAME.

- Estelle Ghetto.

The Unabashed Queer said...

Estelle Ghetto is hilarious. You must be bisexual.

Desiree said...

Is that Evann in that picture?!?!? HI-larious. I'm reading this now, thanks.